The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The chlamydia really affected his face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
