His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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