During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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