Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
