i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
