You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
