At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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