the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
