Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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