Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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