sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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