i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
