and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
