You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
