Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
