a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
