I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
