This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I touched a dick in church today
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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