They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
