Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
