Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
