Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
