omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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