I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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