My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The uberlube is also flammable
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
