found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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