Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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