you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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