good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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