omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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