when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
