Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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