There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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