nut hugger
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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