I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
