I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
