how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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