Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
