I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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