we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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