All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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