That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
