If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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