Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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