I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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