it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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