I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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