The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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