And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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