I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
